Breakups can be messy, but sometimes they deliver a plot twist so satisfying, you can’t help but cheer. This is one of those stories.
It starts with a letter—a heartfelt goodbye from a husband who decides to leave his wife of seven years. His tone? Self-righteous and full of complaints about unreciprocated love. He mentions everything: from his unacknowledged new haircut to his tragically overlooked boxers. Oh, and the clincher? He’s running off with her sister, Carla. Talk about drama.
But hold onto your popcorn, because his ex-wife didn’t just take the news lying down. Her reply letter is a masterclass in sass, self-respect, and poetic justice.
Dear Mr. Ex-Husband,
You’ve officially made my day brighter. Seven years of marriage, and I’m finally seeing the truth: we had wildly different ideas about what makes a good partner.
Yes, I noticed your haircut. It gave you a certain… feminine charm. I chose silence because, as the saying goes, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”
As for the dinner you made? Lovely gesture, but you might recall that I stopped eating pork seven years ago. Oddly enough, it did happen to be my sister’s favorite meal. Coincidence?
And those new boxers you were so proud of? I didn’t comment because the price tag was still attached. Incidentally, my dear sister Carla borrowed $50 from me that day. Funny how that lines up.
But here’s the kicker: despite it all, I loved you. I held onto hope we could fix our broken connection. That is, until life had other plans.
What plans, you ask? A $15 million lottery win. Yep, the same day you left, I cashed in big. I even quit my job and bought two tickets to Hawaii—for us. Imagine my surprise when I came home with that news and found your note.
But you know what? Everything happens for a reason. Your goodbye letter doubles as legal assurance that you won’t get a dime of my winnings. Poetic, isn’t it?
Oh, one more thing: remember Carla? She was born Carl. I hope that doesn’t complicate things for you.
