Most parents have the same routine after school: they pick up their kids, buckle them in, and casually ask, “How was your day?”
And most kids respond the same way—“Good,” “Fine,” or, if you’re lucky, a slightly enthusiastic “Okay.”
That’s it. Conversation over.
But one mom, Yamel Belen, says parents need to ditch this dead-end question if they want to have meaningful chats with their kids. And she’s got a better approach that actually gets them talking.
@themotherhoodkit I really hated getting the “it was good” reaponse to my after school questionining! I wanted to know more, all of it….so I started digging for questions that would give me better responses. Try these and let me know how it goes! . . . . . #afterschoolroutine #schoolpickupfun #schoolpickipline #motherhoodseries #motherhoodkit #motherhoodlife #motherhoodunplugged #bondingwithkids #openendedquestions #motherdaughterrelationships ♬ To Build A Home – The Cinematic Orchestra & Patrick Watson
The Secret to Getting Real Answers
As a mother of five, Belen knows the struggle. No matter how many times she asked her kids about their day, she always got the same lifeless responses. So, she decided to shake things up.
“I really hated getting the ‘It was good’ response,” she shared on TikTok. “I wanted to know more—all of it!“
So, she swapped out the generic “How was your day?” for questions that couldn’t be answered with a single word.
Questions like:
👉 “What made you smile today?”
👉 “What was the funniest thing that happened at school?”
👉 “Did you see someone do something kind?”
Suddenly, her kids had actual stories to tell—and they were excited to share.
Why It Works (According to Experts)
Belen’s strategy isn’t just a parenting hack—it’s backed by psychology.
Psychotherapist Lesley Koeppel explains that “How was your day?” doesn’t show kids that you truly care about their experiences. Instead, she recommends asking process-focused questions that help children reflect on their day.
@hannahclarneau1 🛑 stop asking your kids how school was today!! 🛑 Try this instead! This shift has given me way more insight on how my kids days go when they arent with me 🙌🏻🫶🏻 #momsoftiktok #sahm #momtok #momof4 #2under2 #bonusmom #school #connectwithyourchild #relationships #parentingtips #parentinghacks #tipsformoms ♬ original sound – Hannah Clarneau
“When we ask things like, ‘What was the best part of your day?’ it makes kids feel heard and valued,” Koeppel told The New York Post. “That, in turn, builds their self-esteem.”
The Results? A Stronger Bond
For Belen, switching up her approach changed everything.
Her younger daughters, who are in fourth and second grade, now love talking about their school day. These open-ended conversations have made them closer than ever.
“Moving away from ‘How was your day?’ has made us extremely close,” Belen shared. “It sets the foundation for open conversations about tougher topics when they’re older.”
Questions That Actually Work
Need inspiration? Here are some conversation starters that go beyond “fine” and “okay.”
🧐 “What was the weirdest thing that happened today?”
😆 “Who made you laugh the most?”
💡 “If you could change one thing about today, what would it be?”
🍎 “What did you eat for lunch? Was it any good?”
👀 “Did anyone get in trouble today? What happened?”
The key? Ask questions that spark curiosity and storytelling. Before you know it, you’ll be getting the full rundown of schoolyard drama, hilarious moments, and even the occasional heartwarming story.
So, next time you pick up your kid, skip the “How was your day?” and try something new. You might be surprised by what they have to say!
